


tell your promises and keep your lies

by sumersprkl



Category: Cinderbrush (Web Video), Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Cinderbrush, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Monsterhearts - Freeform, Multi, Other, all four of them are together but it focuses on aff and jamie, and my first fic on AO3!, critical role - Freeform, first fic in the cinderbrush fandom!, i swap between they and him for Jamie, i'm that guy that comments first on a youtube video now yall, no explicit underage but there are horny teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22748881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sumersprkl/pseuds/sumersprkl
Summary: A different take on what occurred in Aff's truck once the cop left them and Jamie there alone.
Relationships: Aff Flowers/Jamie Wrenly
Comments: 46
Kudos: 307





	tell your promises and keep your lies

“Holy shit,” Aff said, apparently too shocked to even start the truck.

“Holy shit,” Jamie agreed, watching the cop car retreat in the rearview, still not quite believing that the officer was just leaving. 

“Holy shit, I just lied to a cop!” Aff exclaimed with a deeply disbelieving laugh, turning towards Jamie as the cop car disappeared over the horizon. 

“You just lied to a cop for me,” said Jamie, because that was the part he was really stuck on. 

“Well, I mean, you lied to a teacher for me, so,” Aff said with a shrug.

“Yes, I, the campus drug dealer and problem child, lied to a teacher for shits and giggles, while you, a good kid, just lied to a cop’s face for said drug dealer and problem child. You can see how one is more significant than the other, yes?” 

“Uh yeah, it was when you lied for me. You had no skin in the game, dude, you just saved me for no reason. Me lying to the cop was like, for both of us. I’m sneaking around weird cult churches too, you know?” 

“Oh no, I’m not letting you brush this off. You, Aff Flowers, just looked a cop in the eye and told him you were taking me to a bible study to reform me, which is already the ballsiest motherfucking move I’ve ever fucking seen before you even factor in that he actually believed you.”

“You think I’m ballsy?” Aff asked.

“You’ve got the biggest balls in all of Arizona,” Jamie reassured Aff, patting them absently on the arm. Aff beamed at them with the absolute dopiest of the dopey-puppy smiles that Jamie’d ever seen on their face. It really was unfortunate that Jamie was so attracted to that look, and even more so that Cameron had called dibs with his canoe kiss. If Cam got back with Sasha on a more permanent basis, Jamie might be tempted to take a shot at Aff just on a matter of principle. That is, assuming all of them weren’t dead or in prison for life after this little misadventure. 

Jamie had gotten a little lost in his thoughts there, which is why he didn’t have time to react when Aff launched themself across the gear shift and melded their mouth to his.

“Mmph?” Jamie asked. The only answer they received was an extra tongue in their mouth. 

“Mmm,” Jamie tried to object, but it wasn’t very convincing when he was running chipped black nails through the hair at the back of Aff’s neck. 

“Mmmm…” Jamie gave in. They had seriously thought that it was the drugs that made the memory of the kiss that the two of them shared at the rave as good as it was, but apparently that was just earnest, enthusiastic Aff doing their best to scramble his brains because this one was just as good.

“Mmm,” Jamie said again, and then “Mm. Wait. Back up, hold on a minute.”

Aff sat back in their seat and groaned. “Oh my god, I thought it was the LSD talking but I think you might actually be better at that than Sasha.”

“Ha!” Jamie barked, equal parts vindicated and genuinely touched, and then said “Wait, no,” when Aff started leaning in again.

Aff froze, looking contrite. “Sorry, was that weird? You know, because our dads kind of…”

“That’s not why it’s weird,” Jamie waved them off.

“But it was weird? Did my breath stink, ‘cause I didn’t really get to go home and brush my teeth or anything after what happened so…”

Jamie hadn’t even really noticed, which was its own unique flavor of horrifying. 

“That’s not the problem. The problem is that we’re on our way to a weird murder church-“

“I mean, we were gonna get there pretty early so we have time if you wanna-“

“And we’re on the side of a public road-“

“I could drive us somewhere else?”

“And there’s every chance that we’re going to be dead within twenty-four hours-“

“Well in that case I don’t really wanna die without doing anything, you know?" 

Jamie’s mind helpfully supplied a multitude of things that they and Aff could do in the time before everyone was meeting at the church, and they groaned.

“Honey, you do not have the right to make that seem as tempting as you do,” he said, rubbing his eyes behind his sunglasses.

“So... It's tempting?" Aff asked. Jamie turned to stare at them for a moment through the black lenses. Aff got halfway through the word “What” before Jamie pulled them in with a hand on that stupid fucking ascot that they were still fucking wearing to prove to them exactly how tempting they were. 

“Mmph,” Aff said, ending up with an arm braced against the ceiling of the truck, leaning mostly over Jamie as they made out like the horny teenagers they were. 

Eventually, Jamie pushed them back over onto their side of the cab. “Get us out of here before the cops show back up,” he said, bleak. 

“And go… where, exactly?” Aff asked.

Jamie pinned them with a look over the glasses. “To the church.”

“Yeah, okay,” Aff said, and finally started the truck. Jamie thought that was the end of it, until Aff piped up again a little further down the road.

“So uh, I’m getting a lot of mixed messages here-“ they said, and Jamie groaned. “And I just wanna like, clarify? So if, after all of this is over, I maybe asked you out on a date, you would say…?” 

Jamie sighed. “Darling, if we get out of this without death or life sentences, I will give up dealing and marry all three of you.”

“Oh, sweet!” Aff smiled, and Jamie failed at refusing to be charmed.  
~~~  
By the time the four of them walked out of the courtroom together after their final court date, with miraculously nothing more than community service and some black ink on their records, Jamie had almost forgotten about their promise to Aff. Or, perhaps more accurately, he hoped that Aff had forgotten it. But as they sat down together in their favorite booth in the back of the diner (the one everyone now avoided, as it was reserved for those weird murder case kids), Aff dashed all of Jamie’s hopes.

“So… does this mean Jamie has to go through with actually marrying all of us?” Aff asked, faux-casually, as they shoved a curly fry in their mouth. 

“Oh god,” Jamie said, and looked to Sasha and Cameron for help. Unfortunately, no helped seemed forthcoming, because Sasha looked speculative and interested and Cam looked weirdly hopeful. 

“Polyamorous marriage isn’t even legal,” Jamie tried in vain.

“Once I’m on the Supreme Court, I can look into changing that,” Sasha said. She’d developed an interest in law after watching the cases drag on and thinking about how she would do it better.

“Plus like… Since when have you cared what’s legal or not?” Cameron asked.

Aff nodded. “But don’t think I forgot that you promised to stop doing drugs when you said you’d marry us.”

“Back up, honey. I only promised to stop dealing. No one said anything about using,” Jamie defended himself.

“So you admit you promised to stop dealing and get married?” Sasha pointed out.

“Everybody already knows you think I’m pretty,” Cam wheedled. 

“And you just called me honey,” Aff said, signing Jamie’s death warrant.

“You are all going to kill me,” Jamie sighed, and everyone at the table knew that meant they were giving in.

“We should start thinking about rings,” Sasha said, and pulled her phone out to text the Hive. 

Jamie shoved his food out of the way and put his head down on the sticky diner table in defeat, content to enjoy the company of the disaster his life had become.


End file.
